Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
