just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
