She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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