im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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