Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
