just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
