I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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