I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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