I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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