we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
