Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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