can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
