New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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