My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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