I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
