You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
