If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
