the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
