I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
