i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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