I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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