just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im holly from the hills drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
