...so i touched it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
