there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
