Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
