Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
