He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
