Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
