fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's like iHOP with fire
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
