On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
