Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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