he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
