it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
