Plan B is the new Plan A
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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