so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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