just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
