Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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