I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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