At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
