sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
