apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
