Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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