he was CRYING into my vagina
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
