Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
