Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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