Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
