My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who died my cat blue again?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
