Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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