You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
