I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
