Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
