I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
