girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
