Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
