Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
