Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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