So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
