Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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